Why dudes? Why?

***This is just a quick response to all of the sexual assault stories in the news these days. Also, as I reread this I realize that it is not very well written. I guess it’s a lesson in not being reactionary while writing.

I try not to be judgmental. I know sexuality is complicated and that certain traumas people suffer, some repressed, can lead to some complex sexual desires. I also know that as men we are exposed to more unhealthy objectifying attitudes and images of women than healthy ones. But, nonetheless, many outright expressions towards women of these attitudes or traumas are not ok – at all. Things I don’t feel like need to be said explicitly.

What I would like to try and do here is invite men to embrace healthier attitudes towards women. Let’s just embrace the fact that we’ve been taught to be abusive towards women, and it’s time to embrace a new set of values that will make us all better for it. Let’s be honest with ourselves for a second guys. How many times have you used or been in the room while someone else used derogatory language to describe a woman and reduced her to what she had to offer sexually? Anyone reading this ever been with a group of guys with a goal of “goin’ out to fuck some bitches tonight?” What are we talking about? What are we trying to accomplish? Where does that sense of entitlement come from? How do women we have yet to meet immediately become bitches? Why do we define ourselves by how much we “fuck”?

Sorry for the vulgarities, but that is what “locker room talk” sounds like.

Anyway, there is so much to talk about. But I just want other guys to know, it’s ok to work on your issues. I know I have been working on mine. And if you have acted badly towards women in the past, changing your behaviors now does not make you a hypocrite. Even if it does, then we all have to be willing to be hypocrites in order to move forward and raise a better generation of men.

I’m willing to talk to anyone who needs to talk or to write more on this topic and find helpful literature on the subject. Let’s work together on this one.

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